How to Reframe Negative Beliefs Without Toxic Positivity

Have you ever caught yourself stuck in a loop of negative thoughts? Maybe it's a nagging voice whispering, I’m not good enough, I always fail, or I’ll never be able to change.

It’s frustrating—especially when the usual advice is to just “think positive” or repeat affirmations that don’t feel true. While positivity has its place, forcing yourself to believe something you don’t actually feel can sometimes backfire, creating an internal battle rather than a mindset shift.

When a belief feels deeply ingrained, trying to override it with an opposite thought can feel forced and even trigger more resistance.

For example, if you struggle with self-doubt and repeat the affirmation, I am completely confident in myself, your brain might immediately argue: No, I’m not—here’s all the evidence proving otherwise!

This mental tug-of-war isn’t just exhausting; it can actually reinforce the belief you were trying to change. Instead of going head-to-head with a negative thought (or trying to “muscle” your way through it), the key is to disarm and reframe it.

Step 1: Identify the "Legs" of the Belief

Negative beliefs don’t appear out of nowhere—they’re usually built on past experiences, assumptions, or outdated narratives. Imagine each belief as a table supported by legs—if you break down the legs, the belief loses its foundation.

Ask yourself:

• Where did this belief come from?
• What past experiences make me feel like it’s true?
• Is there evidence that contradicts this belief?

For example, let’s say you believe I’m terrible at sticking to habits. 

If you dig deeper, you might realize it’s based on a handful of past failures—times when you gave up on a goal or fell off track. But does that mean you’re incapable of forming habits? Probably not. 

More likely, it’s an indication that you just didn’t have the right structure or support at the time.

Step 2: Challenge & Reframe the Belief

Once you recognize the “legs” holding up a belief, you can start questioning them.

For example, as we explored above, if a past habit didn’t stick, was it because you’re fundamentally incapable of sticking to habits—or because the habits you’ve tried in the past weren’t designed to fit your lifestyle, personality, and needs?

Similarly, if you’ve struggled with self-confidence, is it actually because there’s “something wrong with you”—or because you’ve been measuring yourself by an unrealistic standard? Or discounting your successes? Or because in third grade when you tripped in front of the entire class, and your brain decided to file it under “proof that you’ll always be awkward”??

Reframing a belief doesn’t mean ignoring challenges or pretending everything is perfect. It means reinterpreting the belief in a way that’s more accurate and empowering.

For example:

❌ I always fail at sticking to habits.

✅ I haven’t found the right approach for me yet, but I can experiment with what works.

❌ I’ll never be confident.

✅ Confidence is a skill, and I can build it over time with practice.

These shifts don’t have to feel monumental. They simply help open up the narrative in your mind enough to allow you to move forward, collecting new, more empowering evidence, instead of staying stuck in self-doubt.

Step 3: Build New Evidence to Support a Healthier Belief

Once you’ve begun the reframing process, it helps to actively collect “proof” of the new mindset. Look for even the smallest wins that reinforce the shift—whether it’s showing up consistently for a new habit, handling a difficult conversation, or simply noticing when you challenge a negative thought. 

Keep track of them. Write them down in a journal or in your Apple Notes. 

Over time, these small shifts create new "legs" that support a healthier belief system, making your mindset change sustainable and more robust. 

Want to Go Deeper? Try the Table Game Method.

If you’re ready to apply this in a structured way, one of my favorite tools is The Table Game, a process I teach inside State of Self’s Upgraded Mindset course. It walks you through identifying limiting beliefs, dismantling them, and intentionally building supportive ones with real-world evidence.

Inside State of Self, you also get access to 11+ self-growth courses covering everything from setting boundaries to creating habits that actually stick. The membership is designed to help you reframe old narratives, take meaningful action, and step into your most empowered version of yourself.

If that sounds like something you’d benefit from, you can try your first month for just $12.

Here’s to rewriting those beliefs and stepping into the version of yourself you’re working toward—one “table leg” at a time.